I’m capturing the pieces, one by one. The beautiful moments, the tears, victories, challenges and lessons… They all fit. They all mean something to me now. I admit it. I didn’t always take the advice of the wise counsel but God never failed to provide it. The only difference now is that I don’t take it for granted.

So what’s the lesson that is perhaps the theme of my life thus far? (you know, the one I feel like I’ve learned every other month for the past 26 years) Surrender. Letting God take care of it. I feel like I should know this by now, and yet it creeps up on me time and time again.

Without God… Where would I be, what would I do, how would I face the challenges that come my way?

Having grown up in church, it’s never been a matter of whether or not I believed in God. When my faith was challenged, I would seek and find the answers I needed. The question for me has been “Why do I feel so much farther away now than I did ____ years/months/weeks ago?”

Many Christians have a cycle of different intimacy levels with God, and my hand is up first. We go through a traumatic event, pray diligently and cry out to Him for strength, wisdom, guidance, peace… just about the time our circumstances start turning around, we forget to pray and end up (seemingly) right where we started. I constantly remind myself that even though it seems like I am in the same place yet again, I’m growing and continue to learn lessons deeper each time, even if it’s the same dang lesson.

This past week I discovered so many of my friends struggling with the same issues as I was. I have strengths and weaknesses, and I could not stop thinking about the things I suck at. I told a close friend “I wish my life came with a manual” (while in my mind I was thinking “If she even tries to tell me that the Bible is my life manual, I will smack her”) I knew the truth, but wasn’t ready to talk to God about it and He knew it. I got distracted for a minute and focused on encouraging and praying with someone that was going through a really difficult time. I needed it more than they did.

The next day, I had three different, random people pull me out of the pit I was in. They all reminded me of different things that were crucial in my next discovery. Recognizing the guilt that I was feeling for not keeping up every part of my life perfectly, I was ready to talk to God about it. I looked in the back of my Bible for scriptures on guilt, and opened up to Hebrews 10. Channeling my Bible school days, I wrote out the whole chapter, verse-by-verse.

It comes down to this:
Before Jesus died, yearly sacrifices were made over and over for the same sins… over and over AND over again. The blood of an animal could never take away sins forever. The repetition served as a reminder of the sin, and that someone must pay. So Jesus came, lived a completely blameless, sinless life as the ULTIMATE sacrifice that paid for ALL sins for ALL time. Once… and FOR all. All our sins, all people, ALL. Come on now, that’s amazing.

When we receive His sacrifice and invite Him into our lives, problems, messes- He forgives us and cleanses us from our sin and you know what else? He cleanses us from a guilty conscience.

Where I felt guilt before, I am now humbled by His sacrifice in a new way. The truth is God never changes. We are the ones that change. We draw near, we drift away… we read the Word, we don’t have time… The world will always be inconsistent, we will always have inconsistencies, but God is the same yesterday, today and forever. It’s our choice whether we invite Him into our lives today.

I think the Lord knows I love to listen to people’s stories. Even the strange ones.

Last night I stopped at my local Walmart. Among my few selections was a little bottle of Vanilla Caramel Coffeemate…So the kid at the checkout counter starts chattin…

Kid: “Betcha didn’t know this-here coffee stuff is flammable, huh?”
Me: “Oh really? That’s… crazy?
Kid: “Yeah well, maybe not this liquid kind. But the powder kind is. Threw it in the campfire, that’s how I found out… You can’t leave this liquid kind sittin’ out, though (as he tossed it into a plastic bag) Them bugs love the powder kind, I tell ya!
Me: “Is that right?”
Kid: “Someone done left it out and there were bugs aaaaaall in it..That’s why I threw it in that fire. BOOM! Just exploded everywhere… but don’t worry, you’ll be fine as long as you keep yours in the refridgerator.”
Me: “Well thanks for the tip, bud. I never woulda known!”
Kid: “Yes ma’am. You’re welcome.” 

The Vanilla Caramel Coffeemate was really gross. But I checked it out… no bugs.

Maybe I shouldn’t admit that I have nearly the entire movie memorized. Part of me is a little embarrassed, but the rest of me is dang proud. For the underprivileged readers, my blog title is a line from Nacho Libre. If you haven’t seen this movie, I suggest you do so at your earliest convenience.

Sometimes I feel like Nacho…I have these huge aspirations and ideas. Oddly enough, I really identify with the scene where he and Esqueleto are “training” for their first fight. They are doing the most ridiculous things to prepare their bodies for combat, and then right before the fight- Nacho finds out that his sidekick has not been baptized!(watch this video to fully understand the rest of my blog, or else…)

The moral of my silly blog is pretty simple. How often do we prepare ourselves for battle, go above and beyond in order to achieve something, and then consult God as an afterthought or just a formality? If I have learned one thing in life, it’s that God has a much better plan for my life than I could ever dream or do on my own. So instead of gearing up for the fight of your life and dunking your head in a bowl of water before you walk into the lion’s den, maybe see what God has for you first… it might be cooler than the stretchy pants. I certainly hope so… for everyone’s sake. :)

So my last blog was really just leading up to this one… The idea and phrase “captive audience” has come up a lot in the past few weeks through conversations with friends, personal reflection, etc.. It started when a friend of mine was asking about her morning drive to work. “Every time I get to a specific spot on the road, I have a revelation of some sort,” she explained. I immediately recalled about 5 songs I’d written that came to me in the very same stretch of road (I40 by the airport, in case you’re curious). So this got me thinking… what is it about these certain spots? Is it coincidence? Holy ground? Hmm.

I figured it out. What my friend and I had in common regarding our “road revelations” was a routine. Everyday I would wake up (after sleeping as long as possible– sleep always wins over makeup for me) grab some orange juice, hop in my car, turn off the music and pray out loud for my 30 minute drive into work. I don’t know when I started doing that, to be honest… At the time, I was a full time nanny and prayer was pretty essential :) My friend has a similar routine, though much less procrastination-oriented. That’s when the phrase “captive audience” hit me. God should and will always be our “audience of one”… but when does He have a captive audience with us? For my friend and for me, it was in the car during that uninterrupted drive every morning.

Now that my schedule is not so structured and I’m not forced into a certain routine, I have to make one for myself– and more importantly for God. What are we missing out on when we don’t make time to listen? If anyone, I am talking to myself– my brain can go in a hundred different directions and I can always find something to do. That’s just it. There’s always something! But what if something is not THE thing? I’ve found in the past year that God’s plan for me is a lot cooler than the one I had for myself. I’d much rather follow His lead, but it’s tough to surrender control. It’s so much easier when we are God’s captive audience and listen as He gently, but powerfully guides us. He can pretty much do whatever He wants, I’ve found out.

Merry Christmas! I am determined to have a great one this year… so far, so good :)

Have you heard the phrase “audience of one” in reference to worshipping God? The first time I heard it, something clicked. Our voices, our hearts, our lives were created to sing back to the One who created us… when you lift your voice in song or in life- who is it for? 

Before I go on, here’s a little history…

I was raised in a musical family. My dad plays every instrument “except the oboe”, my mom sings, my big brother is a drummer and guitar player. Growing up, I was immersed in music of all kinds, from all angles. Rock and Roll, Bluegrass, Soul, African, Acapella, Pop, Classical, a lot of 50’s and 60’s music… music at home, music in the car, music at church, music at school, piano lessons, the school band, choir, you name it– I was destined for music. Funny thing was, I had no clue. It was such a huge part of my life that I never even saw that it was my passion and purpose.

Sometime in high school, my best friend started playing me these songs she was writing on piano. I had written poems and stories for years, but suddenly I had this desire to play guitar. At the time, I was taking piano lessons and my dad was pretty adamant that I needed to learn music theory before I picked up guitar. I was pretty adamant that music theory wasn’t an issue, and I won.

I became so passionate about songwriting. The ability to communicate a story, an emotion, a lifetime of pent up… stuff… in like 3 minutes! Fast forward a bit, to about 6 years ago when I moved to Nashville. I came with the intention of becoming a better songwriter. Went to the workshops, read the books, did the writer’s nights (still do from time to time), and somehow wound up doing the singer/songwriter thing. I’ll admit, singing has always been secondary to writing and probably always will be. For years I have struggled with myself and God regarding where I’m supposed to be musically. Just a writer? Country or Pop? Christian or mainstream?  There’s people in the world that need Jesus– maybe I’m supposed to tell them about Him through …techno music… in…. Malasia!

My goal is simple. To love God, and love people. To know Him and make Him known. It’s not some super-spiritual, unattainable mystery. It’s a daily thing, really. It’s just giving my voice back to Him. We all have a voice, a gift inside of us that He is just waiting to use… to comfort a heart, to bring a smile to someone’s face, to lighten the load for somebody, and to eventually inspire someone to use their gift, their voice to do the same. Because ultimately, everything we do is for an audience of one.

Until a few years ago, I was pretty convinced that I couldn’t learn much more about God. I felt that I knew His character pretty well, that I could listen for His voice and trust Him with my life. I knew He could do really cool things like miracles and stuff. You might be thinking,  “Wow Rebecca, miracles and stuff? How profound”.  I appreciate your hypothetical sarcasm, but it was true. My relationship with God was hardly a relationship at all. If anything, it was one of those friendships with someone you connect with deeply, but your social calendar starts filling up and before long, you only call them when someone disappoints or hurts you… betrays your trust or just plain forgets about you.

Yeah, that was my “relationship” with God for a while. How often do we leave God out of our daily routine just once, and it turns into a few days, a week or two, maybe longer… then something tough happens and we run back to Him for safety, wisdom, strength…

I have been very blessed by God in my life. As a teenager, I went through a number of tragic events and circumstances that could have sent me on a downward spiral. It was during these times that God showed me so clearly how I could let it push me down, or rise above it and use it to help others. He started placing people in my path that were going through similar things, people that were hurting deeply and needed encouragement. At that point, all I had to offer was “I’ve been where you are, I know that pain, but God will use you to help others if you let Him”. I didn’t know God as my comforter like I do now. For years, it was enough to know I could comfort others because God had given me such peace in the storms of my youth. Now I know that God loves me just as much as He loves Jesus because of the finished work on the cross.  

Several years ago, I began attending a church that focuses on joy, in fact, that’s even the name of the church :) As I sat under the teaching, my mind was opened to an entirely new dimension of faith. My relationship with God became much more than “Hey God, please help me with this”. I began to really understand God’s character. He came to give us life, and it more abundantly. Satan came to steal, kill and destroy. So, if it steals, kills or destroys, it’s not “God is sovereign and He’s just getting your attention”. Not my God! It’s not in His character. He is our healer, provider, protector, vindicator, strength, peace, Father.

My pastor constantly reminds us to study the Word for ourselves and know it from our hearts. He often says, “If I can talk you into it, someone else can talk you out of it.” So read the Word and find out what YOU believe. Do you believe God caused something terrible so He could teach you something? If so, I pray that you will read the Word and seek His character. He loves you and has a beautiful plan for your life, a future and a hope (Jer. 29:11).

Happy Thanksgiving, or as my dad and I say… “Happy Skanksgibbing” (has anyone else heard the audio clip of the little girl saying that from years ago? It was ridiculously cute.)

So I’m house/dog sitting this week, and this evening I went to check on Zoe (the sweetest golden retriever, ever). She greeted me excitedly as I walked in the house. I spent a few minutes loving on her before I fed the fish and changed her water. She followed me around at first, practically tripping me as I walked through the house. I got distracted while feeding the fish. I watched them swim, wondering why they weren’t going for the really big chunks of fish food. (I’m getting distracted again just thinking about it) Suddenly I realized Zoe had gone into another room. I said in a normal speaking voice “Zoe?” Within about 3 seconds, Zoe ran from the other side of the house and literally slid into me (hardwood floors) and we almost fell over together. I laughed and laughed, then loved on her some more while we both admired the aquarium. In that moment, the Lord showed me something really cool. Much like Zoe, God is always excited to see us and eager to spend time with us. Sometimes we forget He’s there, but He never leaves us nor forsakes us (Hebrews 13:5) and furthermore, there is power in the name of Jesus. When we speak His name, when we call on Him, He is faithful to answer (John 16:23) In other words, He comes running!

I am so thankful to serve a God that is absolutely excited to greet me when I call on Him. A God that can’t wait for me to trust Him with my life, my burdens, my everything. A God that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. (Eph. 3:20) He is the power that works in us. He is always with us, but He’s a gentleman. He doesn’t go where He’s not invited- but when He’s invited, He’s stoked!

My wonderful roommate just came in as I was writing this blog to share a verse that has been encouraging her this week. It’s actually Hebrews 13:5 (which I referenced above) but she read it from the Amplified bible which has a profound translation of this particular verse.

Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I [God]will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down (relax My hold on you)! Assuredly not!

May you be encouraged to let God reign in the places that are tough to surrender to Him… to invite Him into your circumstances, painful past, challenging situation, and see how excited He is to love you and take care of you like no one on this earth can.

Happy Thanksgiving friends :)

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